Selfishly Selfless Read online

  SELFISLY SELFLESS

  While every precaution has been taken in the preparation of this book, the publisher assumes no responsibility for errors or omissions, or for damages resulting from the use of the information contained herein.

  SELFISHLY SELFLESS

  First edition. July 19, 2021.

  Copyright © 2021 Julia Janus.

  ISBN: 979-8201637408

  Written by Julia Janus.

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright Page

  Dedication

  Foreword

  Acknowledgement

  Prologue

  The Surprise

  Troublemaker

  Nightmare

  The Diner

  Assignment

  Potato Chips

  Intruders

  Delinquent

  Path to Success

  Pretty Princess

  Change

  Oh, Baby

  Parents

  Moving Out

  Father

  Dear Diary

  Trick-Or-Treat

  Test

  Back Home

  Secret Man

  The Other Family

  Return

  The Hidden Letters

  Planning

  The Crazy Girlfriend

  Counting Down the Minutes

  Today is the Day

  New Normal

  Epilogue

  About the Author

  I dedicate this book to my two beautiful grandmas; Grandma Jane and Grandma Barb.

  Foreword

  Thank you for choosing Selfishly Selfless. This novel may cause some triggers to some readers. Anyway, hope you enjoy this novel.

  Acknowledgement

  First, I would like to thank God for all that he has given me in my life. He has given me the ability to write and the parents who are allowing me to publish a novel at such a young age.

  Secondly, I would like to thank my parents who have been there every step of the way. Listening to all of my crazy book ideas. Also, helping me through the publishing process.

  My siblings, Sadie, Abby, and Ben, you guys have been there every step of the way. Abby— editing my book and giving me love and support. Sadie— thanks for sharing your ideas about my writing. Even when they are kind of mean. Ben— thanks for being my favorite little brother.

  Grandma Barb, thanks for being hard on me and making me do rewrites. If it weren’t for you the book that’s getting published probably wouldn’t have happened. You have helped me be a great editor and have helped me with imagery.

  Grandma Jane, you read all of my short stories and inspire me to be the best author I can be. You also find authors who you think I write like, which is always really cool.

  Mady, thank you for always supporting my crazy ideas and not falling asleep when I tell you about my ideas when we are on the phone.

  Lauren, I think you have shaped me into the writer I am. You are so beautiful and always share with me things I could do with my book and I thank you for that.

  Ben, you are probably one of the coolest people I know! You probably have every single draft I have written of this novel. I also always love to hear what you have to say about my novel. Thanks, Ben.

  Mrs. Pohlman, you were my fifth-grade teacher and I feel like we talked a lot about writing in that class. Thanks for helping me become the writer I am today.

  Mrs. Crabtree, thanks for always asking how my writing is going.

  Mrs. Jones, thanks for helping me when I asked about how Josh published his book.

  Vinyard, thanks for reading over my shoulder in recovery. If it wouldn’t have been for you doing that, I would never have learned some writing stuff from the author Mr. McEvers knew.

  All of my teachers, thanks for teaching me. Without you guys, I probably would not be the writer or person I am today at all.

  Honorable mentions: Jersey, Mary, Lexi, Braylon, Titus, Penny, Charli, Mr. McEvers, Jocelyn, Marissa, Emily, Natalie, Rylee, and Cheyanne.

  Prologue

  Dear Reader,

  I wrote this novel to show everything I’ve been through. Some of the accounts when I write about other people are from stories I was told by my close relatives and the people who were in my life when the events occurred. I will warn you I was in a deep low and did have some crazy/harmful thoughts.

  With Love,

  Lilian Ross

  The Surprise

  “Are you ready for school?” Aunt Jackie asked I love Jackie. She is tall and slender (Not at the moment though; she’s pregnant), she has dark brown hair. Those are probably the only qualities that we don’t share. We are both very pale and burn easily in the summer. Both have green eyes, mine are bigger. Mine are huge! I’m smaller than her. I’m short and skinny. Another thing that we don’t share is her glasses. The huge black pair of bulky glasses take up almost her whole face.

  “Yes,” I answered in my sweet, kind voice; an innocent one. My voice is tender, and some people say soothing, I say ugly and annoying. But nobody likes their own voice.

  “It is your first day!” She hugged me as tight to her chest as she could. We were standing in our small kitchen it had a small four-person table just enough for us and a plus one. Our house is fair sized, it had three bedrooms, mine, my Aunt’s, and Uncle’s then the one where my grandparents stay when they come. Well, pretty soon the new baby.

  “I know and I am starting 6th grade.” I pushed away from her in embarrassment. It’s embarrassing when people treat you like a baby.

  “I am excited, Grandma and Gramps are happy too.”

  “I wish my mother was here, to experience it with me.” Jackie’s face dropped I felt so bad, I do not usually bring my mother up. It really bothers Jackie, I never knew my mother, but I guess she and my aunt were awfully close.

  “I do too, every day I wish she were here,” she gave me a sympathetic smile, “Are you really ready?” Jackie asked me, obviously trying to change the subject.

  “Yes,” I replied a little annoyed, “I feel as if you have already asked that question once and I answered it the same way I just did.”

  “Well, I will drive you to school if you want.”

  “No thanks I will walk,” I said, finally escaping the house.

  I walked to school with a smile on my face, happy to be going back. Summer is usually not my favorite time of the year. I mean you do not get to see your friends and yes, it is amazing having a break from school but sometimes it lasts a little too long.

  I went by a run-down house that I was used to seeing. Last year, I took the long way to school, so I didn’t have to see that house.

  The front door is nice, but the windows are all boarded up, except for one. The roof is falling in, somebody really needs to mow the lawn. There is still a place where the porch remains, but it just is not there. Well, there are boards there, but they are all catawampus. With all the vines overgrowing the house, it just makes me feel like there is some kind of negative presence there.

  I gulped, right in front of the house. I looked into the only window and made eye contact with a ghost. (It was actually a girl, but this girl was pale. Ghosts are pale.) The girl looked like she was my age which freaked me out even more.

  My heart was beating fast. I was frightened! So frightened that I ran the whole way to school. That house has been haunting me from birth, well since I moved here. I was born in California.

  Maybe one day I will learn to take the long way to school, the way that does not go by that house.

  I FINISHED UP MY JOURNEY and ended up at the double doors, where I met up with my BSFFs (best sister/friends) Samantha and Allie. We walked into school together—like we always do and went to the gym where we had to si
t and wait for the bell to ring.

  “It has been a long time,” I turned and spoke to Samantha.

  “Yeah, it has I missed you!”

  “I missed you too,” I replied, we barely hang out during the Summer. Between their families and mine we usually only see each other for my birthday bash. Which I share with Jackie’s best friend’s son.

  Jackie and Summer were best friends in high school. Then they went to college somewhere near here, in Illinois because Jackie was smart, and the school offered her a full paid tuition. Summer could not leave her side so they both came down here. They are still inseparable. Then her son, Hayden. We were born during the same time, a month apart, exactly. We have been raised like siblings. He is so—

  “Did you miss me?” Allie asked me, reeling me back to reality.

  “No not at all,” I joked, “of course I did! Hey, did you know that Jackie is pregnant?” I decided to catch them up on things they have missed.

  “Oh, My Goodness, you got to be joking!”

  “No, she’s due in February.” “I’m surprised.”

  “Me too, like they should only have me and be happy with only me.”

  “Lilian, don’t be like that remember you are not their real kid you are their niece.” I felt hurt, she has never said anything like that to me. It is not that I am sensitive or anything, it is just that was rude.

  The bell rang right before I got to ask her what she meant so instead I said, “Oh there’s the bell, we better head to class, don’t want to be late on the first day.” I tried to brush off my slight anger. Being angry is not a good way to start the sixth-grade year.

  We all had different homerooms, so we headed in different directions to class, the only people I knew in my homeroom. Was the meanie, Natalie, and Hayden. The only reason that I have tension with Hayden is because of the way Natalie treats me. Jackie says that the only reason she is mean is that she is jealous, but I am not so sure. I just think Natalie is a brat.

  I mean yeah, Hayden and I are close but that doesn’t mean I like him. We grew up sleeping in the same crib. He is sporty and lovable and hot. He is really hot. Really, if something more were to happen between us, I would not stop it.

  Soon the bell rang, I did not even realize that I had been daydreaming so long. I headed to my next class with my social studies books and a confident smile.

  Sixth grade is going to be the year. I felt like a boss, one who ran her own clothing store, a CEO maybe. I am a big kid now; my life is beginning.

  I HAD A PRETTY NORMAL first day of school, my confidence wore off after lunch. I got tired; I am used to napping around two. The walk home was a little longer than my walk to school because I did not run like how I ran to school. Then, I did normal things at home. Which includes watching movies on the television. When I got bored with TV, I had my tablet, which had many games on it, including lots of addictive ones that I so darn don’t recommend.

  Soon, I was completely bored and did what most kids hated to do, I started reading a book Samantha had given me for my birthday. I enjoy reading, but most of all I enjoy learning, my favorite topic is the Boston Tea Party. I am a mostly A and an occasional B kind of girl. I am extremely smart and pretty like my mother, well from the pictures I have seen of her anyway.

  There was a knock at the door which startled me. I was too intrigued in my book for a visitor, but I still went and answered. Then, I noticed it was just Jason with packages.

  “What are those for?” I asked with suspicion.

  “Umm... I think Jackie wants to tell you, but anyway, we are having a baby!” He replied he does not get enough sleep, obviously.

  “I know, Jackie and you told me the night you found out!” I had to remind him.

  “Oh well smarty pants, will you preheat the oven?”

  “Yeah, but what are you hiding from me? You’re hiding something and I can’t grasp what it is.”

  “Me hiding something from you. No!”

  “Sure,” I said while walking over to the oven to preheat it. “When is Jackie going to get home?”

  “She is going to get home when she gets home, heck you live here you know when she gets home.”

  “You live here too,” I said to Jason as I watched him grab a pan out from under the stove.

  “Uh Lilian, will you grab something out of the freezer. We need to cook either the chicken nuggets or the mini corn dogs. Pick one out, and will you put them on that pan?”

  “Yeah, I will do that, and we are eating the chicken because I still think corn dogs are nasty. Ever since the state fair.”

  “Oh yeah, the state fair. I remember that day, it was great.” He smiled remembering.

  We remember two different things from the state fair, he remembers forgetting about me when I was three to ride stuff with Jackie. Even though they are my guardians they are still children at heart. That is why they treat me like a friend rather than a daughter.

  “What I remember of that day wasn’t great it was very repulsive but anyway, I will put the chicken in the oven.”

  “Good, I’m going to go into the baby’s room so if you could just finish making dinner, that would be great.”

  “Ok then, I’ll finish making dinner,” I said very confusedly and disoriented, he usually loves to help me. I put the chicken nuggets on the pan and put them in the oven. Then I grabbed the book that I was reading before and sat at the kitchen table and kept reading from where I left off.

  I barely read two pages before my aunt walked in the door, “Oh, Lilian where is Jason?”

  “The baby’s room. He told me to cook dinner, so I put chicken nuggets in the refrigerator—err um, I mean oven.”

  “Oh, thank you. I have to talk to Jason so,” Jackie stopped talking and smiled before she walked into the baby’s delightful, cozy room and shut the door.

  I was extremely puzzled—both my aunt and uncle came home and were acting very strange. They never hid things from me, and it was probably because they were bad at hiding things and I was good at knowing when people were hiding things.

  I did not really care, I told myself as I sat back down at the table after my many interruptions from reading and continued reading. But it was not too long before the oven rang, and I had to get the food out.

  Jackie and Jason heard the buzzer as well and went into the kitchen to meet me. Jason grabbed the plates for the meal and Jackie grabbed the forks and spoons. Then we sat down as a family and ate our meal.

  “So, what did you do at school today?” Jackie asked me while putting food on her plate.

  “School was cool I guess; I mean it’s cool switching classes. It makes me feel like an adult.”

  Jackie smiled then broke the silence, “You’re growing up so fast. Lilian, you look exactly like Sabrina, I’m not even kidding.”

  I sighed, “Jackie, it doesn’t matter she’s gone, and you need to come to peace with that.” I regret saying that, though it did not hurt her feelings.

  “I’m not upset about it; I’m just stating that you look a lot like your mother. Lilian, you are so smart, and you always think about things before you speak—which is particularly good— but sometimes you shouldn’t give all that advice.”

  “Why? It’s my specialty.”

  “Do you give all this advice at school?”

  “No, I only give you and Jason the advice because it makes me sound smart, and my advice usually helps you.”

  “Ok, let us stop talking about the advice it’s not important. It’s probably one of my pregnancy delusions.”

  “Wait, I have a question and it is important,” I said with my sternest tone.

  “Is it about the box I was carrying in because if so, that was a crib, not anything we are trying to hide,” Jason said.

  “You guys are sleep deprived and you haven’t even had the baby. But anyway, back to my important question. Also, do not call me noisy because I already know that I am, so what are you and Jason hiding? You have both been acting odd and you guys were tal
king in private, you guys never do that!”

  “We’re having a baby!” Jason said very sarcastically, and both Jackie and I frowned.

  “Ok then, do you want me to tell her or you to tell her?” Jackie said perturbed, “I mean she is going to find out one way or another, us or Hayden.” If they don’t tell me, I’m going to go ask Hayden.

  “You tell her, it would be horrible if she found out from Hayden, we would not get to see the look on her face.”

  “Ok.... Lilian, you know how you have always wanted to go visit your grandparents?”

  “Yes!”

  “Well...”

  “OMG. Are they coming down again?”

  “No, we are going there,” Jason said while he gave a little smirk.

  “Can I tell anyone?” I was overfilled with joy! I hardly get to see them, except through facetime and the times that they come down here.

  “Yes, of course, it isn’t like a three-month thing like the baby. Oh, and I think Hayden and the twins know. I mean they are coming along as well.”

  “Ok this is awesome we are going to California! Hey, by the way, I don’t talk to the twins they are five.”

  “Oh, I forget things. And you’re welcome, are you done eating? If so go clean off your plate and get ready for bed.”

  “Yeah, I am done eating,” I jumped from the table and cleaned my plate as fast as I could throwing it into the other side of the sink.

  And I did as I was told to do. I am not the type to usually argue. From everything I have been told about my mother, I figured out that arguing is not always the best choice.

  “Jackie, do you want me to wash yours?” I asked her about her dish. I was probably trying to suck up because I was excited.

  “Yeah, that would be great,” Jackie answered.

  Jason looked at me as I grabbed Jackie’s plate, “What?” I asked, “wait you want me to wash yours too.”

  “Yeah,” he smiled.